Ain't she a 'beaut?

Smiley and I saw Frailty last nite, starring Bill Paxton and Matthew McConaughey, and what really made the movie was this van, only not bathed in red, yet. A 1968 White Chevy Van of Death, a Carriage of Doom that Paxton drove his two kids around in to snatch up people to murder them, demons of sort.


If you see this van anywhere, run. Even if Kenny is driving it, which he probably will be!! So watch out!

LOOK KENNY A SUBJECT LINE YOU BASTAGE

Just Cruisin' (Ashley has a nice package too)

I arrived back at my dorm today with a package waiting for me that I wasn't expecting untill monday or later. It was, in fact, the much anticipated package from boobookittyfuck (evolution of who?). I was hassled at the front desk for it being addressed to "Smiley", but they knew me and forked it over anyway. Its outter shell consisted of brown paper, not unlike the kind you'd find on those brown paper grocery bags. And after saying hello to Mr. Maguai and Miss. Necko I finally got to inner shell. Then following some arrows and some stamping I finally got inside the thing, only to be greeted by some a Japanese woman wearing skimpy clothing. By-passing this I found a few Dilated Peoples stickers and a promo video (my peoples come first). I then found drawings of various things including rabbits, one with a smug look on his face and some sharp claws that that would make me not want to meet him in a dark alley. A few army men strung together (that I'm assumeing were on the outside), some pictures, a specialy made CD, a set list, stamps galore, a picture of Girl, some origami, a stick (that i'm convinced was used as a weapon at one point), a hairbrush for small people, a used container (with straw intact) that once held 200ml of japanese beverage goodness, breakdance pictures, alchohol swabs for cleaning surfaces, a hooded sweatshirt, an envelope with a bandaid inside (although i found no staples), and finally a note that said "Pat came here and he wants you to call him whenever you get back. 1:15AM". I'm not calling him, i told that creep to leave me alone months ago. Oh and it also had some of those capsule things you put in water and they make creatures of various sorts, and a creme saver.

i was planning on singlehandedly saving notd

again

but im too tired, so this will have to do until later.

http://www.macrophile.com/%7Ecerine/main.htm

do not view if under the age of 18.

edit: upon further examination, further disclaimering is required.

it's friggin cutesy cartoon animal porn. the animals are made of balloons.

no lie.

on a much lighter note, www.elvendrums.com

Entertainment Weekly

Yes, I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy with work, studying for finals, and of course--most importantly--sleeping. As Socks will tell you it's work, work, work, and it keeps me very, very busy. My time at Radio Shack is drawing to an end, my last day is Tuesday, but I'm not leaving empty handed. I purchased a new television and DVD player Friday. Both were on sale, and I got my sweet employee discount. So my entertainment situation is looking pretty good.

Also tonight at work, I received a wonderful prank phone call. You know, the first one I got a few weeks back was good. It was someone I knew, and he did a good job of making his situation/story seem real. You know, I couldn't just be like, "shut up, and don't call back," because he could have been legit. Tonight on the other hand, was quite different. The caller began talking and instantly I knew something strange was going on. His voice was quite strange...at first I thought perhaps he was mentally handicapped in some way (which he very well may still be) however, he proceeded to tell me...while presumably holding his tongue...that he had gotten his tongue stuck in his VCR. The entire time I hear at least two or three other individuals in the background laughing. The caller himself was also trying to hold back laughter. I laughed slightly at one point, and he asked why, so I asked him why he was...he said, "I don'f no, how amf I suffosed to dwive life thish?" I responded, "Try banging your head up against a concrete wall, perhaps it will break the VCR into pieces and it will fall off your tongue, or you may cause your own death...either of which would be an acceptable solution in my opinion." He the proceeded to yell some loud phrase--probably containing one or more obscenities, but I'm not sure because I couldn’t understand him at all--then he hung up. Then about 5 to 10 minutes later as I was vacuuming, two high school aged guys came in the front of the store, laughed and turned and walked out. I never made eye contact with them, but it's very possible that these people were also the callers. So I could care less, I don't think they actually accomplished anything, and I certainly had fun telling them their life did not matter.

I am quite disgusted

I'm sure that you are too. Just look. Yeah, that's what I said.

This is it, boys... Mallard Crossing, here I come.

Just One Week

SMILEY CAM DUALED OUT

Dualed out like a sunuvabitch, check it yo.
SMiLEYCAM

The room is eating us alive

It would appear that as time draws nearer to the end of the semester, the amount of crap in my and Smiley's room is growing at an exponential rate. I know for a fact that I have taken three car loads of junk home the past week, yet the stuff keeps piling and piling up, threatening our very existence.

Otherwise, I noticed today that I've spent quite a ridiculous amount of money at two local commercial business locales, one being electronics mega store Best Buy, and the other Wally World (Sam Walmart, founder). Since October 2000, I've pumped $1,937.55 into Best Buy, which includes recent purchases of a $500 flat panel and a GeForce4 video card. Wal-Mart has taken $1,143.99 of my cash-money since the end of 2000, and includes such grand finds as American Pie 2, Sprite, Zyrofloam, and a Barbie Tent for Kenny.

Other payees of note are: SkinnyCorp, The Washington Times, Ryan Coleman, CBS, IHOP, assorted porn providers, Cingular Wireless ($3,492,582,089.32), and the Washington Monument Gift Shop.

Kenny, get your ass in gear. 5th if possible.

Alright... these things have been bugging me for a while, and while i know that kenny is really really busy, i feel that maybe these problems should be addressed in a timely fashion.

1)From the home page-
the archive link is wrong
2)The review and dvd pages are in the old layout. so is the guestbook.
3)the archives for the 2 generation old pages does not mesh well with the espresso machine being tiled all over the background.
4) on the archive page, the links are all in the wrong places.

Sorry to point out your short-cum-ings kenny, but i think you can sympathize with my annoyances.

AM Hours

Today I got up at 6AM. This day will be the first of the rest of my days getting up at 6AM. I know that I feel more awake and alert if I get up at 6AM so I decided this would be the best thing to do from here on out. However, there were some perks to this i didn't realize before.

1) My crappy dormroom internet actually works at this hour. I guess people just don't get up and flood the internet. I'm currently enjoying extremely fast download times (better than 200k/s) on a connection I usually am happy to get 5k/s on.
2) Its really nice outside. I watched the sunrise this morning and even though its only 40 something degrees out, it still looks really really good out.
3) The A/C unit somehow fixed itself during the night. Its whisper quiet again.
4) Its 8:30 and I still have 2 and a half hours to do whatever I want before class.

Now, the only thing that would make this day better, so far, would be for me to walk out of my room and trip over a bag of money. Other than that, I'm sound.

Apparently the CIA needs Fyhr. Kenny Fyhr.

From an MSNBC report (http://www.msnbc.com/news/741516.asp?cp1=1 ):

"SUPPLIES MEANT FOR the Alpha or Bravo team sometimes land on the Echo or Foxtrot team. Last fall one frustrated spook, hiding at a secret drop zone near Kandahar, sent this coded message to his handlers: waited three hours through all possible windows: only one airplane passed and kicked off one bundle: some bags of beans and rice ... and two bags of horse feed rpt horse feed. we do not have any fucking horses."

However, what NOTD has is Kenny. Kenny has a GPS system built into his brain, and he can parachute without a parachute. He has pocket duct tape, and a "No Fyhr" attitude. Watch out AITSU! Watch out Sanbourne! Watch out Sean Penn!

Ignore the man behind the curtain...

Alright guys, I've got something here for you that is gonna make you more excited than Kenny in a tutu in thirty degree weather. And it all starts with one word- Sanctuary.

AT THE HOUSE OF BLUES

Wait... no... it's "Haven." What is Haven you may ask? Well, if you'd stop bitching for a minute, I might tell you. Haven is a 4-piece alterna-rock band based out of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. These guys epitomize college and alternative rock; their biggest influences include Nirvana and Alice-N-Chains. Having just finished their debut album "Something Better" [check for it in Ear-X-Tacy or Better Days in the upcoming summer months; it'll be in the local bands area under limited distribution], Haven is getting ready to start a tour of the Southeastern United States.

HAVEN IN THE STUDIO

Their bassist, Chris Mullins, has Louisville ties of which I am pretty connected to [I work with Chris' brother, Gary, and Gary's girlfriend has the hots for me], and the band is planning on trying to get a show here this summer. I'm sure if the NOTD staff showed up at their event, they would be very receptive toward us... like throwing beer bottles in our general direction and shit.

You can download some of their shit [mp3] right here. And I do emphasize that sanborn come back to life for this.

As a special surprise for Socks, Haven's frontman, Patrick Best [for all those Kurt Cobain lovers out there, he's a left handed guitarist], has already begun writing a tribute song to Layne Staley that will be recorded at a later date. I think it's called "Watch Out For Snakes".... or something. I don't know for certain, but they might play it at one of their shows this summer.

FRONTMAN PATRICK

Haven has had some success in the southern states from a single they released last summer called "Dog Days" and are local celebrities in Myrtle Beach. They've played multiple times at the House of Blues, Hard Rock Cafe, and have opened for 3-Doors Down. The Lazy Eye Record Company put out a compilation disc that showcases Haven. They're about as successful as my band.

Most importantly, these guys are motivated to play shows and get up on stage and rock the fuck out.

Alright, so Jeff, I know you don't want to take the time to download their stuff, and you problably won't bother with going to their show either. Piss ant. Whore. If you happen to be in the car sundays at 7, put your radio to the Fox because they might be played on the local radio hour soon.

That's all I'm gonna say for now except keep your eyes on the lookout for big things happening with Haven.

Heh

it seems that after i put that link up, my friends computer was hard pushed to keep up with all the hits. so, he disabled it. To all that could not enjoy what is known as putt-putt golf on a computer, I'm sorry. To all that did however, you will have to go on with life knowing that you will never again enjoy that amount of excitement. Even during sex. Especially kenny. who is really really busy. good day.

*EDIT* The link is now back up, he thought there were just weird people hitting his computer. as if!! Anyway, he knows it's notd so he put it back on... rock. *EDIT*

OTHER GOLF FANS

Go here: http://spartacus.ka.net/~sroth/miniputt2.swf

ALL GOLF FANS

go here.

Snatch: the best thing on Earth

As to conform per NOTD standards docket #902349238-awc dated March 15, 2002, I've acquired via cash-money a flat-panel Philips LCD monitor. Kenny also bought a monitor, but stuck it up his ass a few weeks back and never retrieved it.

Referencing the state of NOTD, I've been rarely at my computer to talk to SOCKS McGhee, but we have definitely grown apart, and I'm seeking a divorce as well as his filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy, despite his racial handicap.

As for the rest of the NOTD staff, anyone not in possession of a flat-panel LCD or plasma monitor by tonite will be eaten and picked apart by strange bears.

layne staley is dead

i dont know if any of you are alice in chains fans, but they're easily my favorite band. this is the first death of a musician that's really affected me. he was definitely one of the best rock singers in recent memory.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1453520/20020420/alice_in_chains.jhtml?headlines=true

State of NOTD

this is a feature that i will periodically run. maybe every week, or ever other week, or some silliness like that. entitled, as the subject would imply, "state of notd", it will offer all non-staff readers an inside glimpse (gossip, teehee!) into the inner-workings and inter-staff political activities within this great.. thing. as for my fellow staff members, i doubt they'll give a rat's willy woo woo. but this remains to be seen. on with business.

kenny and i dont speak too often, so all i can tell you for certain is that he's very, very busy, or at work, work, work, and will be back at 9:30.

smiley seems to have a thing of some kind, perhaps a limosine, up his ass. other than that i cant inform you as to how his life is going, as when we talk it consists of him bitching about me being an idiot, and me taking it too hard.

derder and i dont talk much either anymore, despite my telling him that i thought he and i were drifting apart at least 2 months ago. at least. so i dunno what's going on there.

dave just posted something about him, and he exposed all the juicy-type goings on, i.e. whores and tendencies towards pedophilia, etc. so ive nothing to say unless i make it up, which is not the policy of this network.

jeff got eaten by dinosaurs or something sometime. evil twin and jealous lover and, of course, dinosaurs. ian malcolm, evil twin, rescue parties. and i think a watch.

sanborn's dead for all i know.

as to me, i've felt like piss lately, and my earlier job huntings and attempts and not sitting at the computer all day wasting my life and feeling wretched have metamorphosed into sitting at the computer all day wasting my life and feeling wretched. which have resulted in me being a bit asshole-y, which might potentially explain why none of my fellow staffers talk to me. also, perhaps why pretty much every relationship i have with anyone right now is suffering. hmmmmmmmmm. with luck this might at least result in random people saying hi and asking how im doing and then not speaking to me for several weeks or more.

there has been some controversy about my posts as of late. by controversy i mostly mean smiles making fun of them and kenny supposedly not approving of them. which leaves me not knowing whether this is because piss-filled me produces piss-filled posts, or because of the aforementioned limosine hypothetically embedded in smiley's rectum. other than that, though, smoooooooth sailin for notd, especially with the favorable winds produced by the support and publicity resulting from the endorsement by our good friends at cherryfluff.com, bringing in hundreds of thousands of hits and several million dollars in profits. expect a brand-new notdmobile and the publishing of smiley's new book, which is banned in 60 countries. special thanks to our friends at southern illinois university at carbondale center for archeological investiagations, occasional pa... oh.

this ends the state of notd address. thank you for your time.

Just so that everyone knows, no Kenny isn't gay

So anyway- things are going great here, except for the fact that I stopped attending all my classes and will most likely fail/barely pass most of them. I still have an A in psych 201 however. But that's an interesting class. i've finally transfered from Speed school to A&S so i can try my hand at, however ridiculous it may be, either an English or History degree. I am technically a Junior now, with all the credits I've racked up in my days here, but the fact still remains that I have to do a whole new plethora of Gen Ed classes and *then* get to start on my new major. I'm what you would call a "lifetime student" i suppose. Either way I've got a sweet gig at the Courier, and thereby have secured a job I wouldn't mind doing for a long time regardless of having a degree. Of course, once I've got my degree I'd better get a spot writing music columns. Or their gonna get a piece of my mind. And I'm sure NOTD will be there to back me up, Right???.... right?

Now these guys don't get enough props. www.penny-arcade.com These guys are fucking geniuses. Seriously. go here and then read the news article for that day. I'm telling you- neo-quasar-super-mad-genius material here.

And as far as everthing else goes, i'm feeling good. Me and Mer are going out to a nice little Japanese restaurant on Baxter Ave., hopefully setting the mood for... well...
I should prolly get kenny to update my picture since i got my haircut and it's all gelled up and lookin' good today, but whatever. Soon enough it will be the shaggy piece of shit we were all used to and adored.
Mallard Crossing is less than a week and a half away, and I'm psyched. A bottle of wine, a bottle of champagne, and a few dvd's and i'm set for the night. All i need is a hooker and some more cough syrup. BTW, any of you all can come and visit me at anytime and view from my extensive collection of pedophiliac porn, which btw, is now legal according to the Supreme Court. well, as long as the kids are really adults and computer altered. Anyway, as we all know, i have a thing for 12 year olds. But I've got plenty of regular porn too. Actually the majority of my collection is erotic poses of Kenny in women's underwear. Why am I posting this shit on the internet? Even if it is a joke, what if my mom comes across this page and sees this??? Why am I a dipshit?

I guess it's just my nature.

Adieu, Salud, Goodbye.

I love you kenny.

An effort bewildered

After repeated attempts to contact the girl that gave notd props on cheeryfluff I have given up. My likely conclusion now is that she thinks i'm some renegade stalker out for some attention from a web persona. I, myself, a web persona find this matter of persona Vs. persona very desturbing. Anyway. I shall do what I intended to acomplish in the first place.

Thanks kalen for giving notd a good name on your website. It will be my pleasure to direct our millions upon millions of readers to go to CherryFluff and check out the adventures of Kalen and Kyle.

Ignore the nightmare in the bathroom

Today I being my quest to successfully sell, on eBay, my 800-pound gorilla monitor. With the proceeds as well as funds recently allocated by Western Kentucky University, I will be buying a new flat panel monitor, which is one million times smaller than this giant.

Among my other purchases shall be a telephoto lense for my Rebel 2000, and perhaps a new video card. The new Abit motherboard looks insanely sweet, so I may wait and use my computer spending power on it and a new Athlon XP. I will also be suing Kenny in the amount of one trillion dollars because the lense cap that he stole from me in January was stolen from its packaging this week when that clepto tried mailing it back. He's obviously very very busy.

I've heard Smiley has to babysit in the morning, heh heh.

Keep Rambling

So, after getting up at 8am today and getting ready for class , I found myself in my Computer Science (C++) class actually paying attention and taking notes. This came as a surprise because I don't usually pay attention and take notes. I caught myself falling asleep only once (the usual is about 10+), and I think that I may have learned something in there today. To get back to my dorm I caught the university transit system, aka the bus. It was unusually full for that time of day and it being so nice outside (79 degrees and sunny), and I had to stand instead of getting a seat. While on the bus I got to play the "Hang On For Dear Life" game while the bus driver got to play the "Try and knock the standing kids in to the floor by taking hard turns and barreling over speed humps" game. I believe I was declared the winner because I managed to not fall or hit any of the other passangers while swaying around with a white knuckle grip on the top rail. Now I'm starting to get hungry, so I think I'll go capture and devour a small animal.

Has anyone seen kenny?

Spit and polish

Today I did something productive. I actually went out and washed my car. And this was no mere drive through nonsense, I actually took the time to hand wash and wax it. Now shes all prettyed up and looks so happy. When you hand wash a car, though, you get to examine them very close because you don't want to leave some giant dirt sploch on there and make it look like a crappy washing. I noticed, while washing, that I have 3 small scratches on my right rear door, 1 small scratch on my front quarter panel, another on the upper area of the right rear door (that looked like a key....). All in all I was a bit upset to start noticing scratches and nicks on my cars lovely paint, but then I decided that its just the "character". However, this will not stop me from getting touch up paint and removing them.

WATCH OUT SOCKS!!!!!!

I hate snakes.

New and Improved

Well for those of you who've been missing this I brought it back, the ever popular SMiLEY CAM
Knock your selfs out.

Summer in the City

Do not adjust your monitors, that is an actual picture taken of a thermometer in my dorm room. That's right it's currently 86 degrees outside, and it's supposed to hit 92 before the day is over and the heat is on in Louisville Hall. That's right, the heat--that stuff that makes it hotter. Apparenlty it takes some sort of presidential mandate to swich the residence halls at UofL from heating mode to cooling mode. It's been reported that the air conditioning will be turned back on this weekend. This weekend? This is the last week of classes, half the people will be moved out of their dorms by next Wednesday. Not to mention the fact that the forcast is calling for low temperatures in the 40's this weekend. Excellent timing UofL. Not that I don't want AC, don't get me wrong, but what is stopping them from going and turning it on now, why do they have to plan ahead so far. OK, good, we're doing that Saturday at 3:37 PM EST, unless for some chance our weekly mulching of the trees around campus runs long, then we'll have to reschedule. Screw that. DO IT NOW. Get off your asses, stop driving around in your trucks doing nothing but pretending to replace burned out light bulbs and turn on the Air Conditioning. I'm not paying $1300 to be miserable. That's it, I'm not coming back here next fall. How do ya like that?!

picture removed due to format conflicts.

Evolution of a girl

I've been scouting this girl for the past few years and I'd like for you all to see my results. Now, mind you, this is the same girl in all of the pictures. In the last ones with a lot of people I've drawn an arrow to clearly point out the subject. I think you'll find the results as startling as I did.
First Photo
Second Photo
Third Photo
Fourth Photo

I Hate Tantric

"Days Of The New- A Common Misconception"

oh yeah, due to recent suggestion by a fellow "Obituary Editor" I will, given enough time off between girls, work, and school, be composing a nice little essay as to review the latest Days Of The New Album, the red one. Really these things should be called "Travis Meeks and his revolving door of backup artists from the Louisville area" because that's all it is; but since, and i quoteth Travis, "Days Of The New is a concept, not the name of the band", that's what I'll review. Damn semantics.

"The Real Days Of The New"

work, work, work

yes. we finally have the new computers. and they work just fine. oh yeah.

I'm up here doing nothing but ordering lunch, reading comics, bullshitting, listening to 80's New Wave, and sipping green tea with a lil' bit o' cherry flavor. Life is good.

Intelligence Requested

For the love of god, can someone tell me what this song is? Really, I want to know the song that is used in the first 15 seconds of the song (I know you have all heard it) because that is some badass stuff right there. But the rest of the song is good as well. I recently acquired this and many other good songs from a burned mix cd, therefore I know none of the track titles or artists. remember, it's not only helping me out, it's a must have in your musical collections as well.

9 out of 10 Dan Ice's agree.

hm

my triumphant return wasnt AS triumphant as previously hypothesized.

therefore: hey, reader. regardless of who you are, your (yes, YOUR) favorite band? yeah. it sucks. your favorite band BLOWS.

if you regularly read books, you are a dork, and no one likes you. if you dont read them, no one likes you because youre an idiot. try reading a book. enrich your mind, moron.

members of the opposite sex find nothing about you attractive. if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, they're just toying with you, making you believe they care about you so they can break your heart later, cause you suck.

newayz, i will post the hyperlinks featured in my previous post periodically until i am convinced that everyone looked at all of them.

continuing my earlier line of thought, you have gold teef, and they're ugly. you, yourself, are also ugly.

WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!!!!!!!!!!

Our Bell Witch is Better Than Yours...

After remembering that we had pictures of a Bell Witch excursion from over a year ago (did they get posted before) I decided we needed to revisit them.